“How are you?”

The question we all get asked. Daily. Sometimes multiple times a day.

And somehow the answer is almost always:
“Good.”

Maybe if we are being a little more honest:
“Tired.”

Then the exchange repeats itself and everyone carries on.

Does anyone else get irrationally annoyed by these interactions sometimes!?

Like yes, they are polite. Yes, they are technically open-ended questions where we can answer however we want. But most of the time… we don’t. We default. We move through it automatically.

Now imagine someone asked:
“What’s something good that happened today?”
“What did you have for lunch?”
“When was the last time you laughed really hard?”

You pause for a second.

Maybe you smile a little. Maybe you actually have to think about it.

Now you’re curious. You are digging around in your own day trying to find the answer. And usually, you want to ask the question back too.

Maybe the answer is something huge.
A child born into your family. Good news after a difficult week. Someone you love finally getting home safely.

Or maybe it’s something tiny.

Maybe your coffee this morning was the exact right temperature for once. Maybe you heard a song you forgot existed. Maybe someone let you merge in traffic without making it their entire personality.

Either way, something shifts.

Depending on your day-to-day, you probably answer hundreds of questions:
“What are the numbers this quarter?”
“What are we having for dinner?”
“Did you send the email?”
“What time is the appointment?”

But every once in a while, the right question comes knocking and unlocks something in us.

And honestly, I think we need more of that.

At Kahanee, we’ve been thinking a lot about questions. What makes a question feel meaningful? What makes someone feel safe enough to answer honestly? How do we genuinely listen instead of waiting for our turn to speak? And how do we start asking ourselves better questions too?

Questions and Curiosity

If you’ve ever been around a child, you already know:
the questions literally never stop.

Some are their way of making sense of the world. Some come from pure curiosity.
And some honestly feel completely chaotic.

Why is the sky blue? What does a cloud taste like? Why can’t I stay up forever?

There is something really freeing in the way children ask questions.

No overthinking. No fear of sounding silly. No pressure to already know the answer.

Just wonder in its purest form.

So… when did we stop?

When did curiosity start feeling embarrassing? When did questions start feeling like vulnerability instead of possibility?

Somewhere along the way, I think a lot of us learned that certainty sounds smarter. That having answers matters more than being curious.

But questions offer us something answers sometimes cannot.

Connection.

Questions That Open Things Up

Questions can completely change the shape of a conversation.

They show up in how we ask others:

How are you really?

What has been sitting heavy with you lately?

What’s bringing you joy right now?

What made you smile today?

These kinds of questions crack the door open a little wider. They invite honesty. They make room for people to exist beyond surface-level small talk.

Questions also show up in how we speak to ourselves:

Why did that moment stay with me?

What am I avoiding right now?

What do I actually need?

When was the last time I felt like myself?

These ones are harder.

Quieter too.

But they help us notice what is happening underneath all the noise and routine of everyday life.

And then there are the questions we ask about the world around us:

Whose voices are missing here?

Who benefits from this?

What would care actually look like in this situation?

These questions stretch us outward. They interrupt assumptions. They ask us to slow down and look again.

Maybe even look deeper.

Maybe Peace Starts Here

So how does this connect to peacebuilding?

Honestly, maybe peace does not begin with answers at all.

Maybe it begins with better questions.

With choosing curiosity over certainty.
With pausing instead of reacting.
With wondering about each other instead of immediately deciding who people are.

Questions slow us down.

They soften us.

They create space for complexity, empathy, contradiction, awkwardness, honesty, and understanding. All the messy human things.

And in a world that feels increasingly loud, reactive, and desperate for quick conclusions, maybe choosing to ask thoughtful questions is one of the quietest and most powerful ways we move toward peace.